My aunt took me to a Christian convention...I am agnostic

I want to say first that I have nothing against people who believe in Christianity. Everything I say here is my personal opinion about an experience I had last night with my aunt at a Christian convention. I do respect others' beliefs, and I want to express my own opinions.

First off, lemme give you some background info. I went to Catholic school since Kindergarden until grade 8th. So I know stuff about God, Jesus, the Bible, Catholic practices and believes - I'm not a complete ignorant. My own parents are not religious, though we used to go to a Catholic church when I was younger. My dad's side of the family are mostly Buddhist, and my mom's side of the family are mostly Christian. (And I know that Catholicism and Christianity are not the same, but they are similar regardless). I used to be Catholic, I then went to believe in God but not the church, and now I am agnostic. This was due to several happenings in my life and life observations. Now, talking about religion is something I usually avoid and I might not explain my ideas fully here, so bear with me.

My aunt invited me to go to what she initially called, an English Concert about Jesus, in which my cousin has reserved 4 tickets for. I learned later that it was partially a concert of people singing about Jesus, it is not entirely in English and partly Mandarin which I don't understand, and everyone bailed, so it was just me and my very Christian aunt. After that event, I wished I had my 5 hours of my life back. It's not only because I was tired after having fun at Ocean park earlier that day, or that I don't understand mandarin, or that it was just the two of us at the convention; I felt really really uncomfortable being present there. (by the way, I yawned 16 times when I was there)

When I entered the place, I was greeted by a bunch of overjolly volunteers wearing bright orange jacket (Hallelujah). When I got in that stadium-like hall there were already like a thousand people there already singing, jumping, waving their hands from one side to the other, and a lot of them had their hands way up high in the air (Hallelujah). I tried not to laugh. If there is something that I find hilarious and scary at the same time is people praising with both hands up and closing their eyes while mumbling random sounds. And what I saw was pretty similar. My aunt saw his classmate from her religion class. Now this guy was intense. When they were singing, he put so much of himself into it. It was intense! Waving his arms, eyes closed, singing out loud and jumping (Hallelujah).

Now the serious part. Concert of a band and Miss Singapore singing and playing violin was alright. I saw it as a talent show cuz they are good singers and musicians. Then there was a preacher talking about Jesus. While I was hearing the talk with Jesus’ friends, I couldn’t help but notice few things. These people are horribly manipulating people and brainwashing them with accepting Jesus into their lives. Not only he made me feel guilty about my “sins” but he also showed a video about the church he prises at. I saw this video like a media as a tool for brainwashing. It showed really impacting images of million of believers, preachers yelling at you, and bang sounds that are become louder and louder until the whole stadium-sized hall was shaking. These people like to convince people through emotional appeal. The preacher basically said that if you believe in Jesus, you will be successful in life. If you don’t believe in Jesus then you are condemned to rot in hell. He came up with many examples how Jesus changed people’s life (Hallelujah). Like this guy who was sexually abused by his uncle and physically abused by his dad and then became a pastor at a church (Hallelujah). Or this guy who was very poor and his wife was detected with cervix cancer, and how after becoming Christian he got a job + a raise and cancer was miraculously gone (Hallelujah). Or how he used to have asthma attacks when he was younger, and during one of those attacks he uttered “Jesus. Heal me. I believe you” and then never got asthma again (Hallelujah). And I must tell you, I think this guy makes a great actor with all this hand and body gestures, the sound effects, imitating his asthma and all. He sure practices that a lot. Although I could possibly find scientific approaches to these happenings, I am sure that many people have experienced or seen some sort of miracles. They might or might not be linked to their religious believes, but they can happen. And I do believe that. What I DON’T believe is having the urge to praise to Jesus with both hands in the hair, jumping to the rhythm of song prayers both eyes closed, sometimes crying in order to repent our sins. I also don’t agree with some of the things they do or preach about.

So many questions went into my head. If Jesus believers go to heave and those who don’t will go rot in hell, what about people from other religions who believe in other gods? Do they go to hell because they don’t praise to Jesus? What about those non-believers who succeed? What about those fully believers who still live a miserable life waiting for a change and it never happened? If Jesus died so we don’t have to suffer, why do we still suffer? Can Jesus really heal ALL wounds and diseases (wait- even mosquito bites?!!) What pisses me off the most is that they keep saying that Jesus is the answer and the only light. There is not much more to develop beyond that. How do I deal with the anger I hold against the bully in my class? Jesus is the answer. But they never say how. “Just believe in Jesus” So basically all my questions lead to Jesus as an answer, but I always come back to the same question. It’s almost like they never answer that question. When they are being asked about other religions, they say that they are wrong; there are only one Jesus and one God. It is unbelievable the close-mindness here. For me, they are being brainwashed in their heads to think of Jesus as the only answer to everything, yet they cannot prove with concrete explanations how this is so.

I don’t regret going to that convention with my aunt. Well, kinda, but I have learned couple things from it, and now I can say I have been to one and see how they really are. While I agree that good actions must be reinforced in order to produce good people in the world and that faith is important for the self to continue along, I just disagree with some of the practices and things they preach about.

When I was talking to my aunt after the convention, I learned about the reasons why she became a Christian and how Jesus has changed her life and the lives of people around her like my grandma. She told me about very personal stuff and her spiritual experience with Jesus, and those stories really really touched my heart. I am really glad that she found the best way to continue with her life, after having a very shitty past. I am really glad that now she is a happy person and trust other people. I am glad that she cares so much about me that she bothered to bring me to the convention and let me see what she is really passionate about. But I am afraid that I walked out of that convention door with my religious believes unchanged. I am still agnostic.

I don’t intend to say in this note that Christianity is bad. I am glad that some people have found their light in Jesus and that their lives have become lot better. It is nice that Christianity encourage people to behave well and become better people in life. But it is important to note that extreme Christianity is not that good. With religion there is such a blurry thin line between the real truth and fabrication of truth. And if people are close-minded like that, they will never be able to find sense in the truth they believe in. Open up your eyes and mind!

I might become religious again later in life. Maybe not. But for now, I like to keep my mind open about different opinions and beliefs, then formulating my own ideas.

When my aunt tried to convince my dad into believing in Jesus he said “It is hard for you to ask me to believe in Jesus, but it is even harder for me to convince you to NOT believe in Jesus.” Well said dad, well said.