My Only One

My Only One by Yellowcard

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

At Last!

Sorry Blogger I have you abandonned.
Hope you don't get mad at me, but I left you for someone else.
It's about a boy. A wonderful boy.
If you met him you woulda understand.

I met this fine young gentleman two months ago, and we're going out.
It's probably the first time someone takes me out on a date off campus, as sad as it sounds. He's probably the most wonderful man who cares for me as much as I care for him. You look into his eyes and you see the sweetest boy ever with beautiful green eyes. He puts his hands on my face and all I can think if is how lucky I am to find a guy like him. He's the kind of guy who does anything for you. I like the way he kisses me, the way he holds my hands, the way he laughs at my lame jokes, the way he hugs me from behind when I'm doing the dishes, the way he stares at me. And I have nothing much to give him, except all my love love.

Confession about an Obsession

Yesterday was a weird weird day. In a good way. The other day, I dunno how I came up with the idea, but I decided to search for my greatest obsession back in the days in high school, this obsession had a name, and the name is Gabriel B. on facebook. MAN I WAS OBSESSED with that man!! Like, you have No idea of how much. Which is a funny I'm going to tell.

But let me tell you something beforehand. The other day I was watching a movie called Little Manhattan, which was about a boy named Gabriel (Gabe) who falls in love for the first time with a little girl. I was like, ha! funny, this kid's name is Gabriel, same as the guy i was obsessed with in high school. And the funniest part is still yet to come....my mother calls me, saying that she invited some young man over to meet me. turns out, this guy's name is Gabriel too. hahahah. he was pretty cool, and good looking, and we have very similar tastes.

OK! time for my obesssion tale!! From the first time I saw him, I knew he was the most beautiful creature I have Ever seen in my life! Everytime he walked by, my eyes could just not turn away. Everytime I see him, I confuse him with heaven. His dark wavy hair, his brown eyes, his blushy cheeks, his smile, his sweet low voice, his stick-figure-like body, his blue backpack, they were all like an unbelievable dream come true. Sooo dreamy. And I kid you not! I am Not exaggerating!

Like the time he threw a juice box he was drinking into the waste bin. I waited until he left, so I could take it with me back home, eventhough it had a pice of chewing gum stuck to it. Idolatrizing this holy juice box, I put it in a clear plastic bag. I kept staring at that juice box in front of me for almost three weeks until I decided it was about time to throw it away. It's just a juice box, right?

Remember the time when he made a poster for his spanish class presentation, where he wrote benedetti's poem about love and he painted a sunset with a heart as the sun? Remember when I asked the teacher if I could take it home so I could put it up on my wall and stare it all day and night?

Oh, my love for him was sooo big that the ENTIRE school knew I liked him. And how much the teased me about it!! Everytime I passed by, his friends yelled things like "heeey katie, guess whos here??" "oh gabriel! look who's there! it's your admirer!!" "heey katie! gabe says he wants to meet you, what d'ya say??" And I never said anything cuz I know they are just teasing me :p bad bad boys...

If you asked me, yes, I have stalked him on internet. He had an account in hi5, where I would check his profile religiously. I could possibly write an Entire biography about him without asking him antyhing. I even searched for his siblings on internet. The photos he had, I kept them in my computer. I glorified them everyday and stared at each one of them at least half an hour.

What? Are you kidding me? I thought WE WERE MEANT TO BE!! How is this coincidence: we live really close, he used to go on the same bus as I used to, we had the same taste in music, we were both interested in surf and skate, we chose almost the same subjects in High School, we ended up in the same university, and his name appeared even in my Alphagettis. Like, c'mon! they were all signs! Arent they???!!

Did I mention that when I got the high school yearbook, I kissed his photo every night before I went to bed? The picture must be all drooled over already =/ Oh what a lovely picture he had!!

And don't remind me about the time he got a gf! Damn, I got pissed mad at that stupid gf. Like, what did you look on her??? She looks like poop with a pony tail! I hater everything about her, and always wished they would break up asap!

Oh dear, oh dear!! And I wonder why he never dared to talk to me. All I ever got from you were the sweet words "Can I borrow the computer from you, please?" I have never heard such sweet wondeful words that went to my ears like music with enya's voice (but male)!!! *sigh*

Gabriel Gabriel, how much like a god u were to me. No name has ever sounded so good as yours. I kissed the floor you walked on, magnified your greatness especially when they call ur name on your graduation day, i honoured your presence whenever I see you sitting on that bench where you liked to hang out with ur friends, i distinguished u among other filthy and childish men, praised your highness like an idol, i worshiped you, and applauded for your charms and intelligence. And all i ever got back were just few words from you.

Now I'm done with my confession. I might neve see this guy again. It was too bad that I had a bad rep back in high school and I was always too shy to talk to him. I have to accept it, him and I would never made it. By the end of my high school year, we were both taking very different paths in our lives. We no lnger shared anything in common. I went to Canada, and he went to study tourism in Guanacaste, Costa Rica. I Guess destiny didnt want us to be together. But one thing for sure is that I can tell my crazy stories about what I went thru.

In the game of love, everything is valid.

Love is an ugly, terrible business practiced by fools

I finished watching this very very cute movie called Little Manhattan, with Josh Hutcherson and Charlie Ray. It is about a kid about 11 years old who falls in love for the first time with his old friend Rosemary. Like he said, it's not a pretty story about love, but it is just a story about love. In this movie, the kid struggles with this new feeling called love. He realized at the end of the movie that him and her were going on separate ways, and that things might not end they way he wants, but one thing is certain, that Rosemary was his first love.



Poor little kid who has to go through the pain called love. There was a scene of him, in his room, scraming and crying at the same time, screaming "rosemary rosemary". It was kinda cheese, but i could totally relate to that feeling of pain. The agony of love. And it's just going to get more painful from there in the future, kid.

I guess that this movie or story, tells about the pain that love might bring, but it also gives you hope after a heartbreak. Thae idea that you are going to find someone else, that if your loves goes it does not mean the end of the world, to move on, and if things are meant to be, then they are gonna come together eventually. Which makes me feel a little better with myself.

Here are my fav lines:

"And the next morning, something kind of amazing happened. The sun came out again."

"Love is an ugly, terrible business practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake. The truth is, there's gonna be other girls out there. I mean, I hope. But I'm never gonna get another first love. That one is always gonna be her."

"Love isn't about ridiculous little words. Love is about grand gestures. Love is about airplanes pulling banners over stadiums, proposals on jumbo-trons, giant words in sky writing. Love is about going that extra mile even if it hurts, letting it all hang out there. Love is about finding courage inside of you that you didn't even know was there."

True Life: I can't stop blogging!

I'm excited to announce a sneak peak of Katie's next season of MTV's True Life. It is a great documentary show that reveals about the struggles and conquests in katie's life. We will learn about the way she faces her problems, how she defeats them and all the process from it. For this season, sources have revealed about the 20 episodes found in the next season:

1. True Life: I am addicted to coffee

2. True Life: I can't help looking out for cute boys

3. True Life: I am a flirt when I'm drunk

4. True Life: Clowns Really scare me!

5. True Life: I spend more time online than I spend breathing

6. True Life: I make funny noises when I have the hiccups

7. True Life: I take pictures of everything

8. True Life: I am absolutely terrified of cockroaches

9. True Life: Alcohol makes my face go red

10. True Life: I don't eat vegetables

11. True Life: I am sexually aroused by vampires

12. True Life: Reggaeton music grosses me out

13. True Life: I don't like talking on the phone

14. True Life: I think crocs are hiddeous

15. True Life: "That's what she said" jokes make me laugh uncontrollably

16. True Life: I am a little obsessed with Alice in Wonderland

17. True Life: I don't know who to marry to: Adam Young, Michael Cera, or Jimmy Robbins

18. True Life: I highly dislike the Jonas Brothers

19. True Life: Grapefruit juice makes me wanna throw up

20. True Life: I can't seem to focus on anything!

Stay tuned for more sneak peaks of this shows's new season!

My aunt took me to a Christian convention...I am agnostic

I want to say first that I have nothing against people who believe in Christianity. Everything I say here is my personal opinion about an experience I had last night with my aunt at a Christian convention. I do respect others' beliefs, and I want to express my own opinions.

First off, lemme give you some background info. I went to Catholic school since Kindergarden until grade 8th. So I know stuff about God, Jesus, the Bible, Catholic practices and believes - I'm not a complete ignorant. My own parents are not religious, though we used to go to a Catholic church when I was younger. My dad's side of the family are mostly Buddhist, and my mom's side of the family are mostly Christian. (And I know that Catholicism and Christianity are not the same, but they are similar regardless). I used to be Catholic, I then went to believe in God but not the church, and now I am agnostic. This was due to several happenings in my life and life observations. Now, talking about religion is something I usually avoid and I might not explain my ideas fully here, so bear with me.

My aunt invited me to go to what she initially called, an English Concert about Jesus, in which my cousin has reserved 4 tickets for. I learned later that it was partially a concert of people singing about Jesus, it is not entirely in English and partly Mandarin which I don't understand, and everyone bailed, so it was just me and my very Christian aunt. After that event, I wished I had my 5 hours of my life back. It's not only because I was tired after having fun at Ocean park earlier that day, or that I don't understand mandarin, or that it was just the two of us at the convention; I felt really really uncomfortable being present there. (by the way, I yawned 16 times when I was there)

When I entered the place, I was greeted by a bunch of overjolly volunteers wearing bright orange jacket (Hallelujah). When I got in that stadium-like hall there were already like a thousand people there already singing, jumping, waving their hands from one side to the other, and a lot of them had their hands way up high in the air (Hallelujah). I tried not to laugh. If there is something that I find hilarious and scary at the same time is people praising with both hands up and closing their eyes while mumbling random sounds. And what I saw was pretty similar. My aunt saw his classmate from her religion class. Now this guy was intense. When they were singing, he put so much of himself into it. It was intense! Waving his arms, eyes closed, singing out loud and jumping (Hallelujah).

Now the serious part. Concert of a band and Miss Singapore singing and playing violin was alright. I saw it as a talent show cuz they are good singers and musicians. Then there was a preacher talking about Jesus. While I was hearing the talk with Jesus’ friends, I couldn’t help but notice few things. These people are horribly manipulating people and brainwashing them with accepting Jesus into their lives. Not only he made me feel guilty about my “sins” but he also showed a video about the church he prises at. I saw this video like a media as a tool for brainwashing. It showed really impacting images of million of believers, preachers yelling at you, and bang sounds that are become louder and louder until the whole stadium-sized hall was shaking. These people like to convince people through emotional appeal. The preacher basically said that if you believe in Jesus, you will be successful in life. If you don’t believe in Jesus then you are condemned to rot in hell. He came up with many examples how Jesus changed people’s life (Hallelujah). Like this guy who was sexually abused by his uncle and physically abused by his dad and then became a pastor at a church (Hallelujah). Or this guy who was very poor and his wife was detected with cervix cancer, and how after becoming Christian he got a job + a raise and cancer was miraculously gone (Hallelujah). Or how he used to have asthma attacks when he was younger, and during one of those attacks he uttered “Jesus. Heal me. I believe you” and then never got asthma again (Hallelujah). And I must tell you, I think this guy makes a great actor with all this hand and body gestures, the sound effects, imitating his asthma and all. He sure practices that a lot. Although I could possibly find scientific approaches to these happenings, I am sure that many people have experienced or seen some sort of miracles. They might or might not be linked to their religious believes, but they can happen. And I do believe that. What I DON’T believe is having the urge to praise to Jesus with both hands in the hair, jumping to the rhythm of song prayers both eyes closed, sometimes crying in order to repent our sins. I also don’t agree with some of the things they do or preach about.

So many questions went into my head. If Jesus believers go to heave and those who don’t will go rot in hell, what about people from other religions who believe in other gods? Do they go to hell because they don’t praise to Jesus? What about those non-believers who succeed? What about those fully believers who still live a miserable life waiting for a change and it never happened? If Jesus died so we don’t have to suffer, why do we still suffer? Can Jesus really heal ALL wounds and diseases (wait- even mosquito bites?!!) What pisses me off the most is that they keep saying that Jesus is the answer and the only light. There is not much more to develop beyond that. How do I deal with the anger I hold against the bully in my class? Jesus is the answer. But they never say how. “Just believe in Jesus” So basically all my questions lead to Jesus as an answer, but I always come back to the same question. It’s almost like they never answer that question. When they are being asked about other religions, they say that they are wrong; there are only one Jesus and one God. It is unbelievable the close-mindness here. For me, they are being brainwashed in their heads to think of Jesus as the only answer to everything, yet they cannot prove with concrete explanations how this is so.

I don’t regret going to that convention with my aunt. Well, kinda, but I have learned couple things from it, and now I can say I have been to one and see how they really are. While I agree that good actions must be reinforced in order to produce good people in the world and that faith is important for the self to continue along, I just disagree with some of the practices and things they preach about.

When I was talking to my aunt after the convention, I learned about the reasons why she became a Christian and how Jesus has changed her life and the lives of people around her like my grandma. She told me about very personal stuff and her spiritual experience with Jesus, and those stories really really touched my heart. I am really glad that she found the best way to continue with her life, after having a very shitty past. I am really glad that now she is a happy person and trust other people. I am glad that she cares so much about me that she bothered to bring me to the convention and let me see what she is really passionate about. But I am afraid that I walked out of that convention door with my religious believes unchanged. I am still agnostic.

I don’t intend to say in this note that Christianity is bad. I am glad that some people have found their light in Jesus and that their lives have become lot better. It is nice that Christianity encourage people to behave well and become better people in life. But it is important to note that extreme Christianity is not that good. With religion there is such a blurry thin line between the real truth and fabrication of truth. And if people are close-minded like that, they will never be able to find sense in the truth they believe in. Open up your eyes and mind!

I might become religious again later in life. Maybe not. But for now, I like to keep my mind open about different opinions and beliefs, then formulating my own ideas.

When my aunt tried to convince my dad into believing in Jesus he said “It is hard for you to ask me to believe in Jesus, but it is even harder for me to convince you to NOT believe in Jesus.” Well said dad, well said.

Week of Freedom May 25 - June 2

"You can’t stand restrictions and aim to keep your freedom at all costs. You believe there is a wrong way and a right way of doing things and will stick up for what you believe in. One of your strongest weapons is laughter or ridicule which you do not hesitate to pull out of your formidable verbal arsenal. But you are forgiving and tend to give second chances and will not quit valuable relationships easily. You are a high speed player who gets annoyed with slow responses, you are bright, perky and alert, but can come off abrasive. You tend to get stressed easily and lash out with irony or sarcasm. You have quick impulses and a fertile imagination and are constantly dreaming up new plans or schemes – but sometimes you tend to forget pressing matters such as paying the bills. In your lifetime you may leave enough unfinished projects to occupy a dozen people and not meaning to you often break promises. You are emotionally volatile and not at all shy about verbalizing your discontent in fact you can become a constant complainer. You are a loyal partner but tire of routine and often need a change of scene. You are not above emotional manipulation and turn on the charm when you want to get your way. You have a high sex appeal and few can resist your charm. Strengths: Witty – Charismatic – Technically Gifted Weaknesses: Tyrannical – Manipulative – Complaining"

I AGREE